The Day After...

I woke up in a panic this morning. I woke up wondering what day it was. It was only just a few hours after the darkest hour of the night. And whereas I'd gone to bed in pitch darkness, amidst an unbroken stillness, I woke up now to a room filled with daylight. I was momentarily confused and disoriented.

It is the day after the Night of Determination. The Night of Power. A night when one's fate is written for the next year. A festival of the heavens and earth that occurs only but once a year. A night where angels descend from the heavens to witness the millions and millions of worshippers standing before the Creator. 

I spent the better part of the night under my living room lamp, reading Quran and praying. I prayed long and hard but I must admit my efforts were humbled compared to previous years. No matter how hard I tried to elevate myself and pray, to reach that level of awareness that transcends all that is worldly, I could not. I sighed and realised that I am human after all. The pressures and stresses that this year has put on me has limited my resources, physically and mentally. I persisted anyway with every sincere ounce I had in me until the early hours of the morning, just before the dawn prayer.

"Peace it is, until the break of dawn" I kept reciting the verse that refers to that Night of Determination from the Quran. All I needed to do was to be sincere in my prayers and to ask of God all of that which I wanted to achieve for the coming year. After all, this was "a night that was better than a thousand months".

I recalled the previous years when I had spent this time in the company of others in a nearby mosque. Praying together always added to the spiritual element and just knowing that we all stood before the Almighty's Grandeur in equal submission would add to my heart's elation. And of course there were the angels that would treat this night as a festival, descending on our worldly skies to witness such an annual event. I would always feel humbled by the sobriety of this.

So I woke up this morning trying to sense a difference within me. I wondered whether my prayers would be answered, whether I had in fact witnessed the Night of Determination with all its blessings. I wondered what fate was written for me for the coming year. I woke up in a panic wondering whether I had done enough. It never is enough. But still, enough to a degree.

And when I couldn't get any answers, I tried to brush aside the worry and confusion, forcing a smile within my heart. God is the Kindest, Most Generous and will never let me down. So it was time to rejoice, believe and trust in the knowledge that change is coming and it will all be for the best. 

Good Fortune

I feel blessed these days. Actually, that sounds a bit arrogant. I should feel blessed every single day for the things I have which I take for granted. But I suppose what I mean is that I feel blessed in an overt fashion. When you feel kindness descend on you and touch you gently and lovingly, that is when you feel blessed. The feeling of being blessed and cherished is special.

I thought I should title this posting good fortune because that feeling - of being blessed - is a blessing in itself. Good fortune is subjective. Today it manifests itself in that blessing for me. That small window that allows you to view a unique and special scene, even if it's temporary and you know that you only have a moment to enjoy it. That moment is the blessing of being able to experience something only you can experience. That is good fortune. 

The little things we go through on a daily basis that allow us to become who we are, are symbols of good fortune. The little things that make us smile. These are symbols of good fortune. And most of all, the people in our lives are symbols of good fortune.

Realignment

It's March. We're still in the first quarter of the second decade, of the new millennium and so far 2011 has been unstoppable. Whether it is revolutions or natural disasters, the world is changing. Perspectives have changed. Sands have shifted. In the desert of constant familiarity where injustice or comfort, despair or security, tyranny or a feigned sense of superiority lived for years, decades at a time, the sands of that desert have now shifted. A realignment is needed - most of all within.

I watched in horror as a tsunami swept across Japan. The water just devoured everything in its way. It showed no mercy and it brought to my mind a scene from the Day of Judgment. I had been so caught up in the revolution in Egypt that it jolted me back to a fragile world. The world we all share and live in. This temporary world where we continue to charge through or survive, whichever way you may choose to, on a daily basis. A world where we are given a temporary feeling of being in control but then all of a sudden something happens and reminds you how small and fragile you really are. 

Water. It quenches your thirst but yesterday it was a destructive power obeying the will of God. It made me think of the double-edged swords that we each hold in our lives. The blessings that can suddenly turn into curses if we get carried away for longer than a moment and forget or choose to turn a blind eye to The One who was gracious enough to grant us all these blessings in the first place. 

Then there is the revolution(s) that is(are) sweeping across the Middle East at the moment. Rulers who never imagined that the day would come when they would be overthrown by the power of the people came to see that day. Power that had been in these rulers' hands for years, for decades, was transferred to the people, almost overnight. Without warning. Just like a natural disaster that strikes without warning.

History is filled with such stories and lessons. History does repeat itself to the masses.

It really is time to reflect on all what is happening and to tap into my own life. What blessings do I have that I have failed to acknowledge and be grateful for? What have I taken for granted? What have I stood before so stubbornly and what have I focused on so dearly at the expense of that which really matters? Life is short and if any a valuable lesson is to be learnt from 2011 (so far) it is that I do need to ask these important questions. Most of all, I do need to find their answers.

I feel a new world forming before my eyes. I sense new beginnings and new lessons to be learnt. 2011 is going to be a year that defines a new world order. The tragic shifting of land masses as what happened with Japan along with a positive shifting in stereotypes. New attitudes. New beginnings. New perspectives. And the only way to grasp all that is new and all what this year and the coming decade has to give, is to realign ourselves and be prepared to realign our lives.

An Apple a Day... Food for the Soul?

It occurred to me just how weak and fragile we are as human beings. We need food and drink to sustain us. We need air to live. We need other humans to socialise with and if we get physically sick we need medicine to cure us. What about the spiritual needs of the soul. I would say that they are more important than the above.

Living life without fulfilling one's spiritual needs is like going through life as the living dead. The way it is, really, is that we all have two main aspects to ourselves; our physical bodies and our soul. In turn, our souls need sustenance in the same way our physical bodies do. Take that away and one ends up living an empty life, void of meaning or real happiness. One may enjoy all the material things in the world. One may achieve all they aim to. Climb the highest mountain, dive into the deepest ocean, trek across the harshest desert or camp out into the cruellest Arctic pole, run your own personal marathon, find your own true love. Do all these things but if the connection that the soul seeks with its Creator is not present, one will only ever feel half-satisfied, that something is always missing.

Humans are by far greedy and that is not being overly dramatic. There is always something more that one should be striving for, going that one extra step. When that step is attained, well, go a bit further still. It is human nature. It is just the way we are created; no self-reproach intended. I find that the only way for me to keep things in check is to recognise and acknowledge my soul's needs. It really is nothing more than a balancing act. 

Whilst an apple a day may keep the doctor away, for me, praying and reading a page of Quran everyday, at the most basic level, makes me a more nourished person.

Knowing God

A certain serenity shows on the face,

an even complexion that lights up with grace,

a welcoming smile,

a warm embrace,

kindness and tolerance - cradled with patience -

strength in adversity and

while in pain,

a glint in the eye called resolve,

attitude, that brings forth

building 

mutual ambitions

for humanity and the future

generations - progeny -

who will look up and search for 

role models, in the faces of those

around them, above them, below them -

search high and low and

around

the globe, it still turns,

linking one time to the next,

one era to the next,

from past to present - the here and,

now 

I look and see the faces of those who know

what life is all about -

a softness

a strength, above all - a smile -

common knowledge treasured,

cherished,

in the signs. If only one cares to see,

like in the faces of

those, who know God.

The Magic of Dawn

I woke up in a flurry. My alarm clock had failed to go off at 6:30 as I had set it and was now showing the time to be 11:20. How can that be? Did I miss my morning 9:30 workshop? Will I still make it in time if I speed walk to college? A hundred questions all at once as I fumbled out of bed and grabbed the nearest watch. Squinting, it was not 8 o'clock yet. Closing my eyes, I sunk my head back into the pillow and drifted into a mental oblivion. My clock's battery needs changing again but the sun has already risen and I had missed the dawn prayer.

The rest of the morning was not quite the same. I had missed out on the magical beginning to a new day. That time of day when every being is letting out a breath of freshness. A crispness that surrounds the air and a stillness that precedes the daily motions of the sunrise. I missed out on my daily morning closeness to God. My means of speaking to Him and feeling Him acknowledge my thanks, my dreams and my wishes for the day in return. I had missed out on being part of a celebration of all those who join together to witness the magic of creating a new day. There is a unique feeling of peace that envelopes you after you have finished the dawn prayer. No matter what you do afterwards, whether it is a short nap, an early breakfast or reading a book, I would always feel protected and nurtured for the rest of the day.

It was a habit I had coached myself into for a number of years now. Set the alarm and get up for the dawn prayer even if living in a country where the muezzin* was gracious enough to have his voice heard, calling you to prayer:

"...Make haste towards worship,

Make haste towards true success,

Prayer is better than sleep..."

I made it my own responsibility to make sure I got out of bed. It was those words that would be an instant reminder to urge me out of the warmth and cosiness of my bed. Afterwards, I would find myself to be disciplined and at peace for the rest of the day. I would observe how I would face difficulties and daily calamities with grace because I felt nurtured at a spiritual level. I would feel that I had the strength and courage to face the hurdles that life tends to throw at you because I had communicated with The Creator.

Dawn. My most special time of the day when light first disperses the darkness. It brings with it the promise of opportunities and the chances to achieve. How can one not join in a prayer of hope for what is to come.

*Muezzin : a person, usually at a mosque, who calls out to prayer five times a day.

Gratitude

Two things happened to me today.

The first thing was when I woke up this morning and found that we had a power cut. I rolled my eyes in irritation at the prospect of no light. I find it amusing now how that was the first thing that came to mind. No light. No power for my computer. No power? No Internet! I started to panic. My connection to the outside world has been severed. My window to the world. The means I have to talk to my family and friends. No electricity! I cannot even make myself a soothing cup of tea to calm myself down. No central heating! I will freeze in the cold and miserable English winter. I frantically ran downstairs to take a look at the power switches. Could I possibly magically fix the situation by flicking a switch? I looked around the kitchen. No toast. Our hob was electric so no dinner for tonight. Will the power cut last that long? I looked out of the window at the grey sky despite the time of day. It was still morning. No light. I sighed and realised all the things I had suddenly been deprived of. How fragile we are. Someone, somewhere had flicked the wrong switch or drilled into the wrong cable and here I am in the middle of a power cut. It was as simple as that. My thoughts went to the readings I had to do for tomorrow. I would have to walk to college and access the computers there instead. Another sigh. I took one persistent step after the other half an hour later as I made my way along the footpath. I wondered whether our neighbours had a power cut too. It was not until I was walking in town did I realise that the whole town was sharing my blues. Cafes with closed signs due to the power failure. Shops still open for business but trading in the dark. I smiled. It seems it was not only me who was concerned about the light.

Somehow I felt relieved. My malaise was everyone else's malaise too. Notional group therapy in a sense. Knowing that we are all in this together was a huge comfort factor. It did not change anything though. It only changed my attitude. Was that a good or a bad thing I wondered? Or was it just human nature?

The second thing that happened today was that my friend almost lost her laptop. We had been shopping in town and while she was trying something on, she had momentarily put her laptop bag down. At which point did she stop feeling the weight of the bag on her shoulder? How could she have the heart to just put her laptop down and forget about it, even if it was just for a moment. Why did she even bring it with her, such an important tool, to a shopping trip. Shock. Horror at the possibility that the pieces of her life saved and stored on her laptop would be gone forever. I felt the realisation rise within me as I rushed out of the house to search the shops we had been to together. Imagine if that had been me.

Incredibly, I found myself uttering gratitude over and over as I made my way to town, along with silent prayers that we find her laptop. It was not until the lady in one of the shops gracefully disappeared into the back room and came back out with the bag did my friend let out the hugest sigh of relief. I felt grateful too.

It is funny how we always, and I mean always, take things for granted. It really does not matter how close or aware you think you are to God. It does not matter how long and hard you pray or how dire your circumstances are. One can never thank enough.

"...and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them..."*

I found myself saying thanks but more importantly, feeling it. Thanks for the things I have been blessed with. Thanks for all the bad things that could have happened to me but did not. Thanks for this realisation. Thanks for this moment. Thanks for helping my friend today. Thanks for teaching me a valuable lesson in gratitude. Thanks for making me less aggravated by the ways of the world. Thanks for allowing me to wipe out any unnecessary aggrieve. It is amazing really how a simple thing like forgetting one's laptop in a shopping spree moment or experiencing a power cut can bring you back down to earth.

My newly found resolve is to constantly and expressly be grateful no matter what.

*Surat Ibrahim from the Quran [14:34]