Thursday, December 30, 2010

Moving on

A new year is upon us. A new decade even. I look back and think of the last ten years and a common theme permeates. Change. The type that is enough to alter the course of one's life in more ways than one. And in every year of the last decade, it really has been a case of moving on from one thing to another. Year upon year, until I have finally reached a new level.

2001 - The decade started with a bang. I was at my peak. I had a blossoming and secure career. I remember attending my graduation ceremony for a postgraduate degree, feeling like nothing could get any better. And towards the end of the year, I met the man whom I later married. Good things happen to good people. I was soon to be proven wrong.

2002 - My relationship developed and things took on a serious note. At the same time, I relocated to another city. It was the first time that I would rent out on my own. But it was not a bad start. I had a large two bedroom apartment at my disposal in a buzzing city and I began to experience what it meant to cultivate an interest in furniture buying. I slowly accumulated quite a collection and began to settle in to my life of luxury. It was also the year that I lost my grandfather; the last of my grandparents.

2003 - A brief trip to London kick-started the year followed by another longer trip later in the summer. The year ended with one of the most life-altering experiences imaginable. A massive wedding. The end of my carefree and innocent lifestyle as I knew it. My best friend later told me in hindsight that I had lost the sparkle in my eyes. When I heard that, I feared that I would never find that spark in my life again. It was a turning point in my life.

2004 - I packed up and left my life, family and friends and relocated to England. A husband awaited and the promise of the new family that I would eventually form motivated me. It was a turbulent year to say the least.

2005 - Turbulence turned into a raging storm and ended in bitter divorce. I returned home, shaken and broken with a resolve that I would rather start over than submit to a life of endless abuse. An empty shadow, I was numb but I was a new person in the making. 

2006 - A new job and a new perspective. Every waking moment of my time was occupied. My mind was too busy caught up in work or focusing on the task at hand to allow myself the luxury to think. Charity work was prominent in my life. Soon I found myself cherished in a circle of newly found friends. It was a new way to be appreciated and it was what I needed most. Later on, it was also the year when I found my inner strength to allow myself to grieve and heal. I embarked on a new academic direction. And, at the end of the year I donned the headscarf.

2007 - I discovered many meanings to what close relationships were supposed to be about and realised that my marriage had been a farce and a lie. I was grateful to have made the right decision at the time. I came across a myriad of personalities, some were acquaintances or colleagues and others were friends. This was a year of self-discovery and a year of endurance.

2008 - I made a career change. I visited a new country. And towards the end of the year, I fell in love, without warning, without meaning to. It was a bit like the eat-pray-love story. I had done my self-nourishment, I was in tune with my spiritual side and here it was - love - throwing me in the deep end. I was not even prepared for it but it happened even after I tried to escape it and feign it.

2009 - Love in its intensity healed me completely. It caught me and kept me in a hurricane of emotion. It whirled me and threw me out of proportion. It likened me to a phoenix and by the time it was through with me I could see little old me whom I had buried through the trials and tribulations. Towards the end of the year I relocated to England again. This time the purpose was to study. But really, I wanted to challenge myself. To return to the place that held sour memories for me and to face up to them. It was also a time I found out the truth about human nature in love. An aspect that at times gets muddled and confused. I surprised myself by my strength and again, I moved on.

2010 - What a way to end the decade. I completed my course of study then I travelled and travelled some more. This was a wholesome year. I breathed in the new places and the people whom I met. I felt all my senses come alive in ways they had not experienced for years. I learnt and grew as a person.  And in the end, I made my decision to accept all what the last decade had given me. I acknowledged it all. I reflected back at the person whom I was and allowed it to come through to the person I had become. I allowed it all to sink in before I took my final step to move on.

We often find ourselves wallowing,
or faltering in pools of doubt.
We try and mend inadequate pieces,
or creases that need to be straightened out.
In the midst of a raging storm,
or more often a peaceful calm,
that we call our life - it continues to roll,
with or without time - it's in our hands,
to make or to squander,
an invitation to ponder,
about what it means to be moving on.
It is all about optimism,
and new beginnings,
for me - from now on.


  1. I am really glad for you that you survived all that! I pray that good things shall come your way! Your story did reminds me of "eat pray love movie".

    How true, sometimes losing balance is part of life too :)

    Happy New Year!


  2. Thanks Zhongming! You're absolutely right :) Happy New Year to you too.

  3. Wow... what you went through in one decade, people usually have an entire life-time to experience!

    I went through a turbulent couple years as well, but I am confident that the challenges ahead of me will fuel my passion to live to the fullest once again isA.

    It is true what they say - that which does not destroy you, reinforces you and makes you stronger. You face a new decade, stronger in personality, in experience, and most importantly, in faith.

    As Spock would say it: live long and prosper.

  4. Thanks Ehab! Yes that's exactly it: what does not destroy you strengthens you and the latter is usually the case. So I don't look back in anger ever, accepting all that life throws. Patience and perseverance is the key. It will be all good from now on :)